Below are the most recent 4 friends' journal entries.

Saturday, July 5th, 2008
lostindesire	10:57p	July 4th I spent most of the day with my boyfriend. At first we were chilling at his house, waiting for someone to come home. It's a long story. No one showed up until 11 at night, though. What the fuck? We literally didn't do ANYTHING for fourth of july. Great. At least I got to spend some time with him. His dog, Coco, really warmed up to me. This says A LOT because every time I go over there, Coco barks at me. Barks and huffs. I laugh because he's such an ugly pug. Then for some reason, he kept rubbing against me (like a cat) and letting me pet him everywhere. He even let me grab him and lay him on his back so I could pet his belly. My boyfriend said he only lets him and his dad do that. We'll see how long I stay on his good side. (Comment on this)
popcornsushi	9:00p	Puppeteer Weather - Hot, but cooling down. As I grow older, I find things that are seriously wrong with me. Maybe it's due to human nature; they always seek perfection, in their own definition. I wish I can just be happy with what I have... but my selfish side is resurfacing again. Always wanting something better. Maybe... I have too high of a standard that many people just can not live up to. Someone once called me a realist, but deep down, I'm just a dreamer. A wisher of miracles. I use to say that that person didn't know who I am... part of that is true. But... he knows me quite well... All the things he said I was... is true. Always wanting things my way. Making people bend to my will. Treat me like a princess. That I'm always right and always have my way. I denied all of these titles because I told myself that I knew myself better than anyone. Yet... people have a great instinct to deny things that hurt them. Anyone would get sick of a person like me. Always the controlling one... I really have too high expectations, still, I always know that people will always let me down. What I wish was for someone who can read my mind, but seriously, that's just freaking impossible. The next best thing would be a person who would try there best to try to figure out what I'm thinking. A person who would put effort in trying to understand me. I can always make a list of what I want in a man and tell them what to do, but... what's the point if they won't try to find out for themselves? If a man really cares about his woman and want to put effort into their relationship, they would rid their woman of any doubt and insecurities that they have. You guys already know that women do not have a one track mind. They think about multiple things at one time, leading to paranoia and doubts. What we need is reassurance, no matter how little it is. Men find this to be clingy and dependent, but they just don't realize how important it is. Guys seem to try so hard when they're trying to court a girl. Once they've captured the girl's attention and heart, they automatically think, "Oh, I've done my job. It's all downhill from here." If this is what you think, then you can just go jump off a cliff, because you're too damn stupid and taking up precious oxygen. A relationship isn't just going out with someone, hugs and kisses, and introducing them to your round of friends. It's about trying to find out new things about that person, understanding their actions and what they're thinking and feeling, putting effort and attention on that person and the relationship. I've been trying too hard... Putting too much effort. It's hurting me too much now... This is the exact reason why I do NOT want to open myself up and become vulnerable. I've grown weak and let my barrier down too low. Disappointment after disappointment. I'm tired of this. "People never change"...  this is true. I can see it now. I've changed, but my selfishness will always be a part of me. You've tried to change, but your carelessness is rooted within you. I'm only human... and so are you. It's time for me to make some changes... in myself. Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: Jesse McCartney - Told You So. (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 3rd, 2008
lostindesire	6:37a	Time apart? My boyfriend came over on Tuesday and ended up staying the night til Wednesday. The thing is, that's A LOT of time we spent together. And I'm not sure how I should handle it. First of all, I picked him up on Tuesday around...hm, 4ish? I believe so. He was hungry so we ate some lunch at my house and chilled for a bit. Then we went to the store to pick up some ingredients to bake a cheesecake. He has a strange fascination with baking at my house now. Time escaped us and we didn't have time to make it. We went to bed fairly early (he was tired and I had school in the morning). Don't worry, we didn't do anything. In the morning, though, my lip decided to split open and gush blood everywhere. WHAT THE FUCK? I got some on his shirt. Oops. Soon after, I declared it to be St. Wednesday so that I wouldn't have to go to class. We slept in until noon (MAN, did that feel good to sleep in). We ate breakfast and finally started the cheesecake. He stayed at my house until five. He asked, "I'm going to hang out with, Thien. Is that ok?" ...What? Why wouldn't it be? We had just spent the last twenty-four hours together. Did he really thing I would get my panties in a bunch over him leaving? Thankfully I didn't have to do any driving and Thien picked him up from my house. I just thought that was weird how he would say that with precaution. Perhaps it had something to go with the last time he told me he wanted to hang out with Thien and David. But the circumstances were completely different in that situation. It's really early right now. And my body hasn't fully awakened. I think my mind is still having trouble adjusting. I love my boyfriend very much. But he still confuses me so much. I suppose being together for a little less than a year doesn't guarantee that I'll know him inside and out. He still has mysteries. Plenty of them. And I'm still slightly worried that we'll break up. But I'm trying to ignore that feeling and just embrace the good times we're experiencing currently. Let the good times roll. :3 (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 22nd, 2008
lostindesire	8:31a	Highs and Lows? Why is it that whenever I'm extremely happy and satisfied, something happens to make me rethink everything?? Last night my boyfriend drunk texted me. And that really annoyed me. It probably shouldn't, but I feel disappointed in him. Maybe even scared. I've dated a guy who chose drugs and alcohol over me. And that really sucks, you know? It's like, "I'd rather get high and drunk than be in a relationship with you." OUCH. Major blow to my ego. I'm afraid he might fall down that path also. He always talks about how he got all blown from this one drug with his friends or how funny of a drunk he is. I don't give a shit! In fact, the whole concept, in my eyes, degrades him a little bit. Is there anyone in this world that voluntarily chooses not to smoke or drink because they know it's bad and they don't care about who is doing it? (1 Comment |Comment on this)